Monday, August 15, 2011

Ethan turns two!

Ethan's bunting Alexander and I made

birthday chair
Can you believe our third little one turned two on the 4th, such a milestone for boy and parents both! I have to admit I really mourn the loss of the baby he was, as much as celebrate the delight he is. By two ones baby has truly gone hasn't it? Much to my astonishment I am terribly clucky at the moment and can't shake the feeling there is another child waiting for us, gasp! I know, I know, and those that know me closely please remind me of what a struggle it was to juggle three little ones without family here, a sinking ship is what I have most used to describe us these last years... remind me of all the tears and the exhaustion and how I have expressed a hunger for a taste of self again.... and the evidence is still all around me in piles of washing, the constant cycle of chaos to order, feeling so pulled in different directions, sometimes feeling I can't do anything well or meet everyone's needs as best as I would like....But then there is this deeper settled part that is just so content in the bustle, that has taken three little ones to "get it", whatever "it" is, something settling into my bones surrender, to let go, to not sweat the small stuff anymore, to live for the present, and that love in general and of family in particular, is ultimately the most important thing (including it's extensions in rich friendship), and to live by "this too shall pass", and that they grow up SO quickly, that what do those difficult times really matter but to stretch us and help us grow into richer more whole human beings, that challenges are there but for our growth and pruning as Kahil Gibran says...... .OH DEAR! I better do more crafting and resurrect our craft circle, or set up my easel, or apply for my masters, or run a local 10k, or finish that knitted cardigan I started (two years ago :), or start a book club, or, or?

Happy birthday Ethan!
I must share a most magical moment at the days end when the sky had grown dark... Ethan lead me down to our room and asked me to sit with him on the floor to look out at the stars, and I sat beside him in that glorious stillness of night, quiet all around, and so utterly peaceful after a busy day. We just basked in looking at the beautiful crescent moon, bordered by two distinct stars, when all of a sudden a shooting star shot across the sky between them, lasting for a small eternity as if to say "haaaapppppy biiiirthhdaaaaay Ethaaaan", such a rare beacon, caught in such a lovely connected moment of love, it was astonishing. Every night when it grows dark Ethan still mentions the   "shootin star", and we go and look. We haven't seen another one since and we have come to call it his special birthday star. Magic is!

1 comment:

  1. What lovely reflections Hannah. Great that you found the time to capture your thoughts before they dissolved in to the business of life. I always imagined that we'd remember but you don't. I came across a little notebook the other day in which I had written some of the cute things that the kids had said & done when they were little. They made me laugh. What a lovely place that you find yourself just now..filled with a rich satisfaction & surfeit. Keep recording these'll be glad of the snapshot later. That's the thing with family & kids there's always another stage just around the corner.. Much love Catherine x


It is lovely to know I am not alone on this journey, your comments remind me of that. Thanks!